Teacher Trauma Creative Malpractice

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Can’t stop thinking about the ads my facebook, youtube, google everything has been sending me for masterclass.com featuring Margaret Atwood. Atwood is an amazing writer. She truly is a living legend. Her class is for creative writing. I cannot help but think it will be filled with help since her ad almost brought me to tears.

“If you really do want to write and you’re struggling to get started…You’re afraid of something.”

Well that was like hearing a message from God. No I don’t think Ms. Atwood is a God but I do believe she is a messenger created by Him.  When I hear something or someone speak something that creates a visceral reaction I notice, I stop, I listen .  The message of my last post was to listen.

What am I scared of and where did it come from? Rejection and even more than that dismissal.  I have many, many good teachers and I have had a few truly great ones. Yet the teachers that rejected me seem to have stuck the deepest wounds. Whispers and statements that the young overachieving, people pleasing woman carried with me. Don’t try, Stop, Make Me Happy, Stop Being Different, Follow the rules, DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD.

Not everything that is spoken over you is true.  Spiritual study calls recognizing the truth  discernment. Discernment takes patience and experience. Discernment was simply not available for me as a young woman.

Young woman no more but I am hardly a crone.  I welcome Discernment’s arrival to my party. I had no idea Discernment would be bringing such a good time.

Reading Speaks If You Listen

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Well I read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson and discovered something about myself.

I give a fuck.

No criticism of Mr. Manson but you see the book is simply the discoveries of a man who became older than 29 and realized he was caring about the wrong things. Sex, money, etc. I appreciate learning about his perspective but it did not speak to me at all.  As a woman in my late thirties with a family, there are many, many things I give a fuck about and rightfully so.

Thirtyish dude not speaking to you? Where else to go…a Jesuit Priest. I know a celibate old man does not seem like the most logical move. It may seem like a total over correction. But au contraire! James Martin SJ’s ” The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything” has been a fantastic experience and I am only half way finished! His book is about people who really do care and want to know how to go about doing so correctly. So far the line that has spoken to me so clearly is “When you pray, however you pray, and feel that God is speaking to you-pay attention.”

I am paying attention.